Still, I'm glad I did explore, and it did eventually lead me to embracing my sexuality, though it took another five years. I think that's why I felt even more confused after hooking up with a guy. I had expectations about what I should feel, still struggled with internalized homophobia, and didn't realize that sexuality is a spectrum. The thing is, I went about hooking up with a guy all wrong. Overall, the experience was 'meh,' like any really sloppy, drunken hookup regardless of gender. After the experience, I could not tell you if I was gay or bi. Alas, I got so drunk in order to have the courage to hook up with another man that I ended up puking midway through our encounter. The only way I could know for sure if I was actually gay or bi was if tested the waters.
I figured this 'bicurious' thing clearly isn't a phase, since I'd been thinking about it for a few years. After years of wondering if I could ever be intimate with another man, I decided to hook up with a dude my freshman year of college.
